Name change

The laws in both Massachusetts and New Hampshire regarding a change of name for an adult, are not complicated.  As long as you're not doing so for fraudulent reasons, it's a fairly simple matter.

In Massachusetts, the filing fee and surcharge is $165, the petition is very easy to complete, you publish in a local newspaper, and as long as nobody files an objection, you're good to go.  In New Hampshire, it's equally easy, and the fee is only $90.

In Massachusetts, if you've just gone through a divorce but the divorce is not yet final, it's even easier, and less expensive.  You merely need to file a motion with the court, the filing fee is only $100, and there's no surcharge.

In both states, you can change your name as part of the divorce,with no surcharge, no filing fee, and all you have to do is check off a box on the divorce complaint.  If you haven't checked off the box, many judges will ask you if you want to change your name, at the time of the final hearing.

So -- the process is easy.

The more difficult thing, is deciding whether you should change your name or not.  Today, it's much less important that mother and children have the same last name for purposes of things like schools and doctor's offices.  So the decision comes down to nothing more than personal preference, although you may want to consider the preferences of the children, as well as your own preferences.  Just keep in mind that a change of name only begins with the court order.  Once you have that court order in hand, you need to deal with the registry of motor vehicles, social security, IRS, credit card companies, insurance companies, and banks.

Facebook, Twitter, and Divorce

If you are in the midst of a divorce, the rule regarding facebook, and twitter, is very simple....

DON'T    DO    IT

Removing your soon-to-be ex-spouse from your friends list, is not enough.  Removing that person's friends from your friends list, is not enough.

Trust me, I have seen it time and time again...
In the best of circumstances, I'll get an email or a telephone call from a client, letting me know that a friend of a friend of a friend, came across a post on facebook, or a tweet, that can be detrimental to the other side.  Sometimes, the source of information isn't even a friend (or a friend of a friend) of my client... but a friend of the poster/tweeter, who just wants to 'rub it in'.
In the worst of circumstances, I'll get a call or a letter from the attorney for the other side, referencing something that my client posted...  something that is detrimental to my client.

Sure, it's possible to remove a post, but once the damage has been done, it's difficult to undo it.  If even one person saw the post, and is willing to sign an affidavit, or testify, removing the post doesn't solve the problem.

And while I know we can't always control our family and friends, even well-meaning friends and family can cause damage.

Divorces can be difficult, there's no need to make them more difficult.  Having to explain to the court why there is/was a picture online, of you walking out of bar on the day you couldn't pick up the kids because you were at work...  doesn't make you look good.  Having the other side submit a picture of you and the children at a playground on the day you denied visitation because one of the kids was too sick...  doesn't make you look good.  Trying to explain to the judge that you didn't mean it, when you posted that you'd trashed the other side's possessions, that you now claim you didn't have --  well, it's a problem.

Yes, we've all gotten in the habit of 'venting', and getting out our frustrations by posting on Facebook, or Tweeting on Twitter, or even writing on our blog.
But while the divorce is going on...  Just Don't Do It.

Passports and Children

Contrary to what you might think from talking to your friends and reading the news, most divorces have at least a basic level of civility, and both parents put the interests of the children, first.

However, if you are in one of those situations where there is no civility, there is no communication -- or worse, there is only hostile communication, and you have concerns about your spouse's/former spouse's intentions with regard to the children, you might be interested in this link.
Passports and children

The US State Department has established the Children's Passport Issuance Alert Program  (CPIAP).  This program allows a parent  (or both parents) to register children under the age of 18, in the Department's Passport Lookout System.  Completing, and submitting  this form results in the Department notifying you if a passport application has been submitted, or if a passport has been issued.

Note...  if a passport has already been issued, CPIAP does not prevent the passport from being used.  There is no way to track the use of a passport, once it has been issued, since there are no exit controls for people leaving the United States.  If your child already has a passport, and the other parent is not willing to agree that you can have sole possession of the passport, you should ask that either the court, or one of the attorneys, hold the passport.   It is always possible to request a duplicate passport, of course, except that now the CPIAP protection kicks in.

Update on Temporary Marriages

A few years ago, I posted about this Iraqi/Iranian practice of temporary marriages, also known as mutta. I became curious as to where the concept stood, today, and I discovered that it remains common, and has become increasingly widespread. Supporters of mutta say it protects vulnerable women from exploitation by offering them a flexible marriage contract, backed by a religious authority. Critics of the practice say women engaged in mutta still lack the rights of ordinary wives and are, in some cases, stigmatised as no more than prostitutes operating under institutional cover.

So let's take a closer look. If a couple - not married to each other - chooses to have sex, they have violated religious tenets. If a child is conceived, the child grows up under a stigma, and has no rights to inherit from the father. If a couple - not married to each other - enters into a temporary marriage, a mutta, at least theoretically, sex is no longer frowned upon (although many of these temporary marriages are carried out in secret). In addition, although the woman gains no rights under mutta, any child conceived during this temporary marriage is regarded as a legitimate heir of the father.

Gee, at first glance, this sounds like a good idea. Plus, there are some who endorse the notion of the marriage contract being limited in time. If you no longer wish to be married at the end of the contract, you go your separate ways; if you're happy with how things are, you can renew the contract.

Now, don't forget that polygamy is allowed, in these countries, so being married to another, is not an impediment to mutta. Which raises the question -if polygamy is permitted, why bother with mutta? And therein, my readers, lies the problem, in my opinion. Mutta is seen as a way of legitimizing a sexual relationship, and any children resulting from that relationship, without the cost of setting up a second household. With that concept as a key 'feature' to mutta, it should be no surprise to learn that a large number of the children born as a result of a temporary marriage, are not adequately supported by their fathers. The right to inherit, does not carry with it the right to be supported.

Temporary Marriages

Iran Promotes Temporary Marriages
Iran's Interior Minister, Mostafa Pour-Mohammadi, has started promoting temporary marriage as a solution to the country's social problems. Shia Islam allows a man and woman to marry for a fixed period of time, ranging from an hour to a century. A man can also have any number of temporary marriages

Forms for sale? Bad idea.

For many years now, anyone can walk into Staples, and PURCHASE "standard" legal forms, governing such activities as renting apartments, buying a house, hiring a contractor, hiring an employee.....and of course getting a divorce. Not surprisingly, the concept has extended to the online market. With very little effort, you can find a long list of websites from which you can PURCHASE blank forms for divorce, adoption, and other areas of family law, as well as completed agreements, to be signed and filed with the court. The websites authored by lawyers explain why you should use their forms and agreements; the websites authored by non-lawyers explain why you should shun the lawyers, and use the non-lawyer forms and agreements.
I am not suggesting that you should avoid seeking information online, or that there are no valid online sources of forms. To the contrary, you should be aware that there are legitimate - and FREE - sources of many of the forms needed in the course of the various family law matters, for both Massachusetts and New Hampshire (and I suspect most other states, as well). These sources allow you to download and print out the exact same blank form that you could pick up from the courthouse. There are several sources for the Massachusetts forms -- my favorite is www.pcpfc.com This site is maintained by the Plymouth County Probate and Family court, and is the most complete source I've found for all Massachusetts forms required by the probate and family court system. Most forms are blank, some have the name of the county filled in. But all counties throughout the state use the same forms. If you're not in Plymouth County, simply cross out "Plymouth", and fill in the correct county. This site also lists all filing fees.
For New Hampshire forms, I like to use http://www.courts.state.nh.us/fdpp/forms/index.htm This site is maintained by the New Hampshire court system, and all forms are provided as a blank.
There is nothing wrong with obtaining your forms online. But don't be fooled into thinking you have to pay for those forms.

Prenups, part 1

Reports of celebrity marriages -- and celebrity divorces, often include reports that the couple did, or didn't have a prenuptial agreement. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise - Yes. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey - No. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban - first No, and then Yes. Yet, with all of this attention on prenups, there is a lot of confusion as to what a prenup can, or cannot accomplish, as well as what the actual consequences of a prenup can be. In an online study 25% of those surveyed felt that prenups were only for celebrities, 15% felt that asking for a prenup doomed a marriage from the start, and nearly 20% felt that a prenup was never needed if people loved each other. The truth is that prenups can play an important role for non-celebrities, can govern the disposition of assets upon the death of one of the parties after a long-term marriage, and can add an element of certainty and sense of stability for both parties, supporting - not destroying - their love for each other. Prenups are not appropriate, or effective, or enforceable, in all situations. However, for those situations where they are appropriate, they can be effective, and enforceable, if done properly. The criteria to be considered in determining whether or not to have a prenup, as well as some of the issues to be addressed in reaching a prenuptial agreement, are addressed in Prenups, part 2.

Parenting Schedules - keeping track

Whether you're still living together, and are considering divorce, or the divorce has been filed, or the divorce is finalized, one of the most difficult problems is keeping track of who is responsible for the children, when. Even if the separation/divorce is amicable, scheduling can become a nightmare, particularly if the children have activities of their own, that they are trying to juggle. When everyone is under the same roof, a calendar on the refrigerator is a common tool. However, once parents have separated, something further is needed. Google now has a tool called Google Calendar (http://www.google.com/googlecalendar/overview.html) that serves this need, by allowing you to set up an account that can be accessed, and edited, by both parents. Note that this is not an appropriate tool in all cases, as it requires a certain level of cooperation between the parties, and requires that both parties check the calendar frequently.